A Surge of Panic

I went to a party the other day. It had been a while since I’d gone out and although I felt anxious about going, I’d convinced myself to go no matter what. The first hurdle came with the dress code. The theme was American Frat party, which sounds easy enough, right? Except it wouldn’t have mattered what the dress code There’s more for you to read!

Dissociated ego states

Two weeks ago I felt like what I would usually describe as ‘anxious’ during football training. This week I started reading The Myth of Sanity by Martha Stout, a study in human consciousness that focusses on forgotten trauma, dissociated mental states and multiple personalities in daily life. As I got halfway through the book I started recognising a possible certain altered mental There’s more for you to read!

Staying above the surface

Mentally, I have never felt this great. I’m feeling more confident, I’m happy and I’m starting to believe in myself. You could say there’s not a single cloud on the horizon. I feel like what I always imagined to be normal. Life feels a lot lighter as if she sun has consistently started shining and it shines through in my There’s more for you to read!

Too functional to suffer

As a child, I went to the paediatrician for my lungs. I only have exercised induced asthma so it’s not that serious, but at the time it was bothering me when I cycled to school. They did a few tests and could only provide me with an inhaler. However, the paediatrician also wanted me to do a fitness test. Apparently, she There’s more for you to read!

Writing and Mental Health

On the 16th of March, Gwyneth Lewis (a Welsh poet) gave a talk on Writing on Mental Health at my university. I was interested because I’m a writer and I have struggled with depression myself. I wanted to know more about the relation between writing and mental health and one of the first points that Gwyneth gave immediately spoke to There’s more for you to read!

To belong or not; anxiety

I just finished writing an essay on Harry Potter for my children’s literature module. In my essay, I talk about the quest motif, and in specific about Harry’s quest for identity. When Harry discovers that he is a wizard and belongs in the wizarding world his identity changes. Suddenly he feels like he belongs somewhere as he is amongst ‘his’ There’s more for you to read!

It’s real

 ‘Are you okay?’ I’m not here. I’m not here.             ‘She’s asleep.’ ‘Malou?’ I can’t hear you.        I can’t hear you right now. From the other side of the counter, she gives me a smile. As I stand there in the middle of the room she picks up her cup and walks There’s more for you to read!

A writer committed suicide

Joost Zwagerman, a Dutch Writer committed suicide on the day his new book got published. I didn’t know him, but the news appeared everywhere. Another known person took his own life- a writer took his own life. The news articles told me he had been struggling with manic-depression and had a father and a best friend that tried to take There’s more for you to read!

Depression is a cloud

It sort of paralyses me; it stops me from doing normal daily things, it disables my ability to smile and I feel like I can’t function. Depression does not define me, someone once said. It is a cloud… a layer of smog that settles over your mind- something that clouds the view of what the world is. Depression does not change There’s more for you to read!

I wish you could be honest with me

“I hope you find a way to be yourself someday, in weakness or in strength, change can be amazing.” February 2008 – I fled upstairs as she received the call. She would know what I had done. I hurt her and had broken her trust. As I was trying to find the courage to face her, I started to cry. When I There’s more for you to read!

Review: Toen ik je zag

Toen ik je zag van Isa Hoes Genre: Non-Fictie, Biografie Uitgever: Ambo|Anthos Koop op Bol.com Click here to read this post in English Rating:  ‘In je hoofd kijken heb ik nooit gekund, of was dat voor mij dan net zo verschrikkelijk geweest als voor jou?’ Isa Hoes en Antonie Kamerling ontmoeten elkaar voor het eerst tijdens de audities van Goede Tijden, Slechte Tijden. De soap wordt There’s more for you to read!

Neither Yin nor Yang

Sometimes I’m losing, even when someone else is around. Someone or something can cause it, but that does not matter in this case. It starts with a bad feeling. This is a feeling and not a thought, followed by a first thought: I should not be feeling this way. I’m blaming myself for feeling this way, then tell myself I’m stupid There’s more for you to read!

To prevent a cut

“Don’t worry, he or she won’t do it otherwise they wouldn’t tell you,” is the average response I get whenever I bring this issue up. When someone tells you they feel like committing suicide or cutting themselves, your first reaction is most likely to worry. If it is the first time someone tells you this, you are most likely afraid There’s more for you to read!