Coming out struggle: Can I still shower with my football team?

After I realised and accepted that I am gay, back in 2013, I suddenly felt a bit awkward when showering with my football team after matches. I don’t know why, because nothing had actually changed. I suppose I was worried that if they knew, they would be worried that I would look differently at them… while… showering? It doesn’t make There’s more for you to read!

Why Sport is Good for My and Your (Mental) Health

From the age of three, until I became an adult, my parents insisted that I participate in at least one sport (of my own choice). This meant that I had at least one training session each week next to the two weekly PE sessions in school. When I was three this was dance aerobics as my mum took that class There’s more for you to read!

The benefits of attending Graduation

If any of you have been following my twitter, it must have been clear that graduation has been stressing me out to the point where I wondered if I even want to attend. Graduation is stressful for a few reasons, like… what do I wear? and, will my divorced parents end up fighting or causing a scene? as well as… There’s more for you to read!

Returning to the Netherlands

I’ve been back in this flat country for almost two weeks now and will stay, for the first time since moving away three years ago, for almost two months (discounting graduation week in Wales and a short trip to Germany). While my stay will only be temporary (as I’ll be starting a master in Scotland), it kind of feels like There’s more for you to read!

Suicide

It feels as if a shadow falls on me when I hear that someone has committed suicide. It reminds me that depression does take lives. A few suicides in previous years have particularly stuck with me. As a child, I was a fan of this character in a soap that was portrayed by a Dutch actor, Antonie Kamerling. In 2010, There’s more for you to read!

Chasing Perfection

On New Year’s Eve In 2010, I finished a manuscript for a novel that had taken me over two years to write. Before I finished stories much quicker and for a long time, it felt like I had been standing still until I reached this new accomplishment. It felt incredible at the moment but I came down quite quickly afterwards. It had There’s more for you to read!

Why I would choose Aberystwyth again

I only have seven days left in Aberystwyth before I move away. Reflecting back on my three years in this beautiful town, I am really quite sad to go. I chose this place based on my university course and I haven’t always been entirely satisfied with the course. But overall, if I could go back in time and change my There’s more for you to read!

Sleepless Nights

I complained about the mark I received for my writing project. I wondered about what I’d done wrong. Was this piece of work, really only worth the grade it was given? Was all my work and effort for nothing and is it unfair, or am I simply claiming I’m a better writer than I actually am? I suppose all of There’s more for you to read!

Everything changes | End of university

During Easter break of my year at university, I was amazed. Everyone left Aberystwyth as soon as they could. It didn’t seem to matter if you had another class on Friday; everyone (or most people) definitely had to go home as soon and as fast as they could. In what seemed like just a few hours, the 15 residents of There’s more for you to read!

The shame of depression

Today is Saturday, the day on which I was supposed to play Varsity. I am not playing because I cancelled, and I cancelled because my mental health got the better of me. I had fully intended to play Varsity… 1,5 month ago I decided I wanted to play Varsity with the university football team. 1 month ago I played my last There’s more for you to read!

Like Volcanic Ash

It feels like I will never be an adult because my emotions are like the mood of a teenager. I can’t function like everyone else because I never know if I’m going to be ok that day. I can’t ensure that I’ll perform well because I never know if I’ll actually care that day. Who cares about the future? There’s no There’s more for you to read!

Fear of the unknown

I was never one to be scared of my next destination. Many people asked me if I was scared to go to Aberystwyth, and when I answered no, it was met with admiration and surprise. Apparently, it is scary to move from a place that you know to a place that you have never been before. I didn’t feel that way There’s more for you to read!

Another chance to be happy

Can you imagine that I feel so much pain that if I had a gun right now I would hold it against my head and shoot? Can you imagine that it hurts me even more knowing that I can’t do this? Because I know that pulling the trigger wouldn’t make anything better. Pulling the trigger wouldn’t get me what I There’s more for you to read!