‘Can I still cancel this meeting?’

Yesterday morning I awoke in pure distress. For the record: I had gone to sleep at 3 am after having 3 nights in a row with only 6 hours of sleep. (I think I need about 8 each night). Having to wake up at 8 am yesterday only added to my sleep deprivation, and fear. This, however, was not the cause for my slight panic attack. No, the first message I sent to a friend of mine that morning was: ‘Can I still cancel this meeting?’ The response I got in return: ‘Hahahahaha’. Thank you so much for calming me down, E. Since I had been so busy I had no time to worry about the meeting before. In the morning it suddenly came all at once.

When I woke up I realised what I was about to do. Travel to the other side of the country to meet 10? people who I had never met before, much less talked to all that much, and they were going to see me!! Help!!

It took my closest friend half a year to get us to meet up and I think it only really worked because she was visiting me (no options to flee). You see, I panic quite easily. If you have read my previous post you will notice the similarity. It all comes down to me being afraid to not live up to expectations. Expectations that I in essence, create myself and lead to my biggest fear of not being ‘normal’.

Well I did go to this meeting of Storm Chasers and of course, my anxiousness was completely unnecessary. I had not prepared myself at all, I didn’t even know where I had to go to once I reached the destination of the train. I figured I would be able to spot girls who were looking where they needed to go and surprise, surprise, I did. So I ran after them- they were going inside and all I could think was:please don’t let the door close before I arrive, I don’t have the courage to call Natasja herself in order to get in. Surprise, surprise, I made it again and asked: ‘Storm Chasers?’
Haha, yes, they were, duh.

Then I had to fight my urge to laugh because this awkwardness among us, the entire situation, the idea of it is so funny. Anyway, to sum up the day: we sat, we talked, we fit on shirts, took a picture, talked some more, discussed some of the storm chaser activities, held a voice-over-casting, talked some more and eventually we played a game. Sadly it took us a long time to understand it, it seems like a really fun game to me. I’m also assuming that it is Dutch so I won’t get a change to play it in Wales. By the time we finished the game, it was already 7 pm. The last 5 of us (plus Natasja) who were still there ate Natasja’s delicious self made soup. I got back home around 10:30 pm, but it was worth it.

This day proofs once more that I should not let my life be led by fear. Social anxiety can be really bad and I know there are people out there who’s angst is much bigger than mine. However, the only way to, as stupid as it is, to get over the fear is to confront it. And you can only do that by doing exactly what you do not want to do. The bright side is that once you do it, it’s often not as bad as you thought it would be. And it can even turn into something positive.

Thank you fellow Storm Chasers!

 

Some of my fellow Storm Chasers can be found on their own (Dutch) blogs: 
Reviews & Roses by Jessica Dillema
Het leven van een boekenworm by Annabel
Wat lees ik by Suzanne Hartog
Pluizenbol by Liz
Femke leest by Femke

Waar de wind waait by Freya