There is this house, hidden between the other houses, about 2 streets away from mine. It looks like every other house to any passer-by. They might not even see it, much less pay attention to it but I can’t help looking at it every time I come across it.
All this time, every month and year that passed by, nothing about it changed on the outside. The people who live there continued living there. I was comforted by the thought that, no matter what, despite our ceased contact he was still living there. He was still having a tiny little part in my life by living in the same house that I passed nearly every day until the sale sign appeared in their garden.
What I failed to realise and mention is that one such sign had in fact been standing in our very own garden too. In fact, our house has been sold and we’re not moving to a nearby location, to say the least.
In less than two weeks, I will be on a different continent entirely and once I come back I won’t be coming back to the place where I’m writing this. It doesn’t feel like I’m about to leave my home, it only feels like going on vacation. Perhaps it will hit me once I come home in ‘our’ new house. If I ever go back to this neighbourhood it will feel like swimming in the middle of an ocean. It will no longer be the shore where I can rest and recharge or hide. I will never use the same jogging trail again, never use the same path to roller skate and never use the roads leading to my former sports clubs again. In general, I’m quite sentimental but leaving this place will also be a big relief.
Opposed to missing a few people, I will be happy I won’t be walking into a few others anymore. I will be happy that I no longer have to pass certain streets and places. I will be happy that I won’t have to see my high school again, but most of all, I will be happy that this house is no longer going to be ours, and the rooms filled with the association of negative feelings will no longer exist. Our house has survived the ‘war’ inside but what’s left is only a cold ruin. Over the years, the place got damaged beyond repair and has left me feeling trapped. I am ready to move on and start my own, new, life.
Before I start this life I am going to Korea and Japan and spend a month together with one of my closest friends. I will come home in the area of Utrecht but it won’t be a permanent stay. It will rather be a bridge connecting Hengelo and Wales, my new destination for the coming years. I don’t know if I want to come back to the Netherlands afterwards, stay in Wales or go somewhere else entirely. I feel as free as can be and ready to travel the entire world. So then what exactly is going to be my home and the place where I will stay? It is going to be anywhere where life will take me.
Expect a few sentimental posts the coming week. After all, there are things I will miss.
What I felt when I drove through my old neighbourhood a year later
Mooie post. :)
Dankjewel :)