Excerpt from a novel
Illusion follows the story of 15-year old Elgin who lives with his father and fellow villagers in treehouses they’ve built for themselves. Years ago there raged a war, but Elgin was too young to remember. The people from his village remain cautious and they haven’t interacted with people from the outside for as long as Elgin can remember. The forest they live in is deserted as far as he knows. Apart from their hideout in the trees, Elgin knows of several secret shelters his villagers made just in case. While his dad would prefer it if he stayed at their camp up in the trees, Elgin spends most of his time exploring the forest. Then, one day while he’s out he comes across a boy that nearly drowns in the pond and suddenly they seem to be under attack.
Creating suspense
Setting is an important feature of storytelling as it influences mood and atmosphere by portraying a certain image. In ‘Car Crash While Hitchhiking,’ the location and weather create a bleak atmosphere. ‘I lay in the grass off the exit ramp and woke in the middle of a puddle that had filled up around me.’ This certain description is important, as the mood would have been different if a sunny day had been depicted. In my story, the setting of what appears to be a normal forest changes over time. Through the narrator’s observation, we slowly become aware that the surrounding is getting darker, suggesting that danger is coming. Depending on the setting, the mood in a story can feel peaceful or frightening and a sudden change in the current mood can help reinforce the future mood.
Chapter 2
Elgin was startled by a sudden movement in the bushes. He turned to face the threat but no one seemed to be there. Then, just a few meters away, a boy stumbled forward out of the wilderness. His leg swayed and his right foot slipped. A growl escaped his lips when both his knees hit the ground. He didn't seem to notice Elgin but he tried to push himself off the dirt with his hands. As soon as he rose his knee buckled and the boy fell headfirst into the pond. Elgin watched the boy go under but couldn't get himself to move. A loud thudding plagued his head. He curled his fingers up into a fist. The pond had now almost gone completely still. He urged himself to move, but his legs wouldn't. The noise in his head grew louder. And louder. Why couldn't he move? Suddenly, the boy came back up and gasped for air but immediately his head disappeared back again. This time, Elgin moved at once as if the boy’s movement had triggered his own back to life. He grabbed the boy’s hand just before it disappeared in the water and started to pull. Surprised by the boy’s weight, Elgin’s feet got dragged closer to the pond, almost causing him to lose balance. Just in time, he managed to plant his feet steadily into the ground. ‘Come on, come on!’ Elgin hissed between his teeth. The boy’s chest rose out of the water but his body remained limp while his eyes were shut. Elgin grunted loudly in an attempt to channel strength into his arms with his voice. His head felt like it could burst but he kept pulling. Finally the boy’s body tumbled forward and his chest hit the ground. Elgin’s hands slipped out of the boy’s, causing him to tumble backwards down the small slope. When he got back up, he noticed the boy had moved; his hand now gripping onto the soil like an animal claw. 'Are you- are you okay?' Elgin said in between heavy breaths. The boy looked up alarmed and instantly jumped up. While Elgin just about regained his balance the boy began to run. 'Wait!' Elgin called out. He ran after the boy but had already nearly lost sight of him. He ran so fast that he quickly vanished in the forest of green and dark shades. Elgin kept running but soon had to stop to catch his breath by leaning against one of the trees. ‘Come back!’ He tried in vain. As the trees slowly stopped spinning in his mind and Elgin caught his breath, the forest seemed to become way too quiet. A cold shudder ran through his body and he briefly closed his eyes. When he opened them again the forest seemed to have become darker. He looked up at the sky where grey clouds had started to gather. He decided he should head home; there was no way he would be able to catch up with the boy now. Elgin took his time to walk back slowly and couldn’t seem to shake the cold feeling from before. He noticed a shiver in his arm and it felt like a weight was pushing down on the temple of his head. The familiar paths of the forest felt strangely unfamiliar and he had the strange feeling something was following him. Elgin kicked against a branch on the ground and listened to the creaking sound before hearing a voice. ‘They’re coming.’ Elgin instantly looked to his right. In between the trees just several meters ahead stood the boy that had fallen into the pond, next to a girl. ‘Levi, stay with me.’ The girl shook the boy by his shoulders. ‘I can feel them coming,’ the boy said as he hunched over. Elgin stepped forward. His feet brushed past the greens causing a rustling sound and the boy immediately noticed him. Dark eyes with a black glow looked straight into Elgin’s. Elgin froze on the spot. The sky around them darkened. ‘What’s going on?’ Elgin tried. Suddenly the boy fell down reaching for his ankle while letting out a loud scream. ‘Run!’ The girl shouted at Elgin, giving him a glance for the first time. She pulled the boy up and began running herself. The boy stumbled along until he managed to get back on his own feet. Elgin sprinted after them. While it seemed impossible to keep up with the boy before he was now struggling to keep himself upright. It looked like he kept reaching for his ankle and it didn’t take long before he fell over and stayed hunched over on the ground. The girl tried to pull the boy back up but Elgin couldn’t help but look around. The green of the leaves grew thicker. It was as if the trees were closing in on them. ‘Levi, please,’ the girl said. Elgin noticed the boy clenching his teeth. ‘We have to go; we have to go.’ ‘What’s wrong with him?’ Elgin said as he moved closer to help her lift him up. The girl looked at Elgin with pleading eyes. ‘We have to hide somewhere. Where do we go?’ ‘Uhm…’ Elgin once again noticed the pounding in his head. He looked around. All the trees looked the same; he was supposed to know this place. He nudged in one direction. ‘That way,’ he said. They lifted the boy up and dragged him towards the area Elgin had pointed at. The boy had started growling; Elgin could feel his body shaking. Elgin knew they were close to a hideout; he just needed to find it; he’d been here so many times before. The pounding in his head became louder. Left at the trees, then right at the rock. The hideout should be at the bottom of this slope. A trickle of sweat rolled down his temple. The trees kept looking so similar but he tried not to look, following his instincts instead. ‘There!’ He said. They manoeuvred in between a large set of trees that were standing against rock solid ground that looked like a hill. When they came close enough, Elgin could see the secret opening and with his final strength he helped pull the boy inside. Elgin let himself fall onto the cold floor while the girl sat down and the boy continued shaking uncontrollably as he crawled up into a ball. ‘Will they find us here?’ The girl said. Elgin glanced aside. ‘Who’s they?’ The girl shook her head. ’There’s no other place,’ Elgin said. ‘But it’s hard to find if you don’t know about it.’