In six days from now, I will wake up in another bed in another room in another country. The bed will have my sheets and the room will contain my stuff, but I will no longer hear the neighbours door close when the children leave for school in the morning. My books will not be standing on their rightful shelf- actually, the ones you see will remain right here- and there is absolutely no chance that my cat will greet me with cuddles and purring in the morning.
I reserved a four-day weekend to say goodbye to all my friends that are living near my old house. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to a weekend full with only socialising, but it ended up being great. In some way, all of them contributed to who I am and where I am today. They never gave up on me as a person and for some reason seem to like to see my face, my smile and hear the things I say once I finally open my mouth. I got a lot of energy out of seeing them, and maybe it’s also because I have changed and because I am doing better. I feel like I can see the light and can step outside. That’s right, in six days I will step outside in another country.
I haven’t had time to let any fear settle over me. I can vaguely remember such a feeling from yesterday, but I can’t touch it anymore. I’m not afraid to go, but I might not be aware of how big the change is that is about to happen. I do know that it’s a change I’ve been wanting for a long time and let’s be honest- can we ever truly predict and imagine what will happen in the future?
I’m going to miss my friends, but I’m not afraid of losing them. Lisette and I didn’t see each other for a year while we were living next to each other. Maybe we need a little bit of distance in order to realise what we miss.
I unexpectedly got to see Britt on the same day as I saw Lisette and went out with her and Yesim for dinner after seeing Bert and Masja. I already noticed the ‘loss’ of no longer living close nearby. I will not be able to stop by at Bert and Masja’s house whenever I feel like it. The day after, Yesim and I were busy making selfies (okay we also climbed a little bit) while Masja’s son climbed up to the ceiling.
Then as the two of us were walking home we spontaneously decided to eat sushi once more.
Oh man, do we enjoy sushi.
In the evening, I saw a great film called Trainwreck with Lisette, did a little bit of shopping with Lisa the day after, saw my grandmother in the evening and ate two coupes of the best ice cream in the world (link) before watching another movie with my dad and calling it a day.
On Monday, I met Erwin for the first time since I met him online. Three years ago I described to him what our first meeting could be like and it went, ‘strangely enough’, a little different, but was good.
I thought I could check the box of seeing my friends on my ‘to do list’ but things don’t always go as planned. Bükra caught a cold and will now come over tomorrow. University will take 3 years to complete but what no one seems to realise is that I won’t disappear from the world, just because I’m not going to study in our hometown. There is internet and I can always travel back to the Netherlands to visit everyone again.
