Coming out struggle: Can I still shower with my football team?

After I realised and accepted that I am gay, back in 2013, I suddenly felt a bit awkward when showering with my football team after matches. I don’t know why, because nothing had actually changed. I suppose I was worried that if they knew, they would be worried that I would look differently at them… while… showering? It doesn’t make any sense as I’m typing this out, but that’s really what I was afraid of. I was afraid that I would make all of them uncomfortable by being gay and using the same shower at the same time.

I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I didn’t think they minded that I was gay, but they didn’t know and I thought that since I showered with them it should be something they should know. Like, as if to add some disclaimer: if you enter this shower, beware, one of you is gay. Haha.

So I worried about this for a few weeks. I think I even tried to avoid taking showers after matches and I talked about it with a few people. I definitely felt like I knew I had to come out but I also wasn’t sure how. I don’t particularly fancy public speaking or just speaking loud enough in a changing room for everyone to hear. Yet, that’s what this eventually led to. To make things easier on myself, I told my trainer that I wanted to tell the team and so he got everyone to be quiet so I could speak. It was incredibly awkward.

I’m not even sure what I said or what I had meant to say. I probably just mumbled a bit and looked in a different direction every second or so (of which looking at the floor was my favourite). But in the end, I said it. I am gay. I don’t want to- with the shower- I don’t look or anything…

They didn’t stay quiet until I finished any of those latter sentences, which is good. Instead, everyone was quick to say that it was okay. Like, definitely okay and everyone seemed happy for me. I felt rather relieved and happy, even though deep down I knew it would have been fine.

However, it also seemed silly that I had felt the need to announce it like this. Everyone was fine with it- why had I made such a big deal of it in my head? But, it’s okay that I did because I needed to for myself because at the time it seemed really important that they knew. It was simply part of my coming out and self-acceptance.

Nowadays, I don’t announce that I’m gay to each new football team that I join. They’ll figure it out eventually and that’s fine. I’m just me and that’s what’s important and the fact that I’m gay hasn’t changed anything. Getting such a warm and accepting response from my first football team definitely helped me accept my sexuality even more, as well as believe that society can be accepting and that it’s normal and not always a big deal anymore.

So yeah. Did any of you worry like this just after you came out?

handtekening300px


This is the first post in a series of ‘Coming Out Struggles’
I will publish a new post in this series every third week on Monday.

handtekening300px


This is the first post in a series of ‘Coming Out Struggles’
I will publish a new post in this series every third week on Monday.

Other posts in the ‘Coming Out Struggle’ Series:

Can I still shower with my football team?
Can I hold a girl’s hand in public?
Help a guy started flirting with me! 
Coming Out

Related post: Am I a Lesbian?

Gay football player reveals what showering with teammates is really like

6 Replies to “Coming out struggle: Can I still shower with my football team?”

  1. Connie

    Thank you so much for sharing your story! It’s so important for people to understand the small anxieties that people feel when coming out so that they can be more supportive and understanding! You’re so brave, great post!

  2. simplyanjhanee

    Very nice post! My best friend is gay, and he shares with me some his small fears and anxieties when dealing with certain situations. So glad to hear that everyone was supportive! Thank you for sharing. (:

  3. olliviette

    I think it’s awesome that your team was so supportive. Sometimes we get so caught up with what willpeople think, how will they react, that it cuts at us. I also agree with you not announcing your sexuality with each new team, I feel like how you identify is really a person’s business and for some people it’s in a constant state of still discovering. I feel like a person shouldn’t have to say anything if they don’t want to but I’m glad you did that first time and that it went well.

  4. Miilru Post author

    Thank you so much for leaving such a lovely comment! It was a little scary to put this online because it almost feels embarassing haha but I’m so glad I wrote and posted it! Hopefully it can help someone else!

  5. Miilru Post author

    Thank you for your lovely comment! I’m so glad your friend can share those things with you because support and feeling safe helps so much when you’re still struggling with these things

  6. Miilru Post author

    Yes, definitely! We worry a lot about what other people might think I do agree yes! There’s never a need to announce what you are because we’re just human and that’s enough really. Thank you so much for leaving this comment! It means a lot!

Leave a Reply