We need to get rid of gender-stereotyped toys

In September of this year, the Dutch minister of emancipation called upon toy manufacturers to scrutinize their toys as she believes it should no longer play into the stereotypical male-female roles. [1] This isn’t the first time that she raised this subject matter, remarking in December 2018 that “girls are depicted as caring and boys are adventurous.” She expressed her hope to see less of these stereotypes in the Netherlands and it was met by a lot of negative responses. One MP even called it “absolutely ridiculous”. [2]

This isn’t a new debate. It has been going on the internet for years and this year in France “toymakers signed a pact to get rid of games and toys of gender stereotypes,” believing it keeps “women out of maths and science degrees.” [3] When I heard about this I applauded France, but some of my fellow Dutch citizens were resistant to the idea that a measure like this might be implemented in the Netherlands too.

I didn’t understand why people might be opposed to this change. Isn’t it obvious that creating these stereotypes is negative? I and many of my friends seem to have been waiting for a change like this. Our response isn’t “wow, what is this?” but “finally, it was about time”.

While I haven’t conducted research on how these stereotypes discourage girls from pursuing careers in the tech sector, it doesn’t surprise me that it would and I believe that society would benefit as a whole if we get rid of male-female stereotypes, which are instilled in us from birth.

The stereotypes start from birth before the child can express any preferences when parents start shopping for baby clothes. Blue clothes are assigned to boys while pink is assigned to girls. Before a child is born, parents eagerly wait to hear whether their child is going to be a boy or a girl. And afterwards, they can start shopping for the right coloured clothes as well as designing the baby room in the appropriate colours.

I recently stumbled upon a Twitter thread by Kate Long pointing out the messages that we instil in boys and girls with these gender-separated clothes. (Have a look at her thread to see the pictures of different baby clothes.) She notes that “we ask [girls] for relentless positivity,” “to be lovely,” “be kind”, “be super sweet,” and concludes that “in other words, [girls have to] be compliant, be nice [and are here] to make the world more pleasant for others.” On the other hand, she points out that boys are labelled as “little monsters,” “wild,” “loud,” and “mighty”. In other words, boys are encouraged to “follow their own impulses”, are told that they “have important work ahead” and that they should be loud. To reiterate, female baby clothes say “grow your own dreams” while male baby clothes say “I can change the world”. [4]

The stereotypes don’t stop there and continue after birth when we enter a toy store to find toys separated by gender, persuading us to buy a doll or a toy cooking station for a girl and an action man or toy truck for a boy.

However, I grew up in a household where it didn’t matter what toys I preferred to play with. Looking at family pictures, I too was given a toy buggy and dolls when I was younger, but when I expressed interest in more stereotypical male toys, my parents bought these for me instead. Similarly, Mum put my sister and me on aerobics, a mostly female-dominated gym class, but then let me join Judo, a more male-oriented sport once aerobics didn’t turn out to be my thing.

As a result, I felt appreciated for who I was and didn’t worry about my preference towards toys designed for boys. But my outlook was challenged when I left the house and ended up amongst other people.

In schools, girls tend to stick with girls and boys tend to stick with boys. Boys liked running around, playing football and being rough. Girls liked to clap their hands together while reciting a certain chant or do tumbles on a tumble bar. I, on the other hand, preferred to play with the boys while wearing boys clothing and judging by some of the glances I got, I felt like I was abnormal.

These glances came from groups of girls in my class (probably unknowingly, and perhaps they were simply curious) but my natural preference towards things classed as “meant for boys” also resulted in getting frowns from parents of the other children. I appeared to be weird and I didn’t fit in. Society taught me that I was wrong for being like this.

However, due to my upbringing, I strongly believed that it wasn’t wrong for me to be different. My mum worked in the tech sector and also preferred to play with boys when she was younger and in our household, my dad mostly took on the role of cleaning and cooking while my mum provided our main income. Yet, I felt bad for being different and sometimes I wished I was ‘normal’.

The fact that I wasn’t ‘normal’ was emphasised during a school camping trip in my last year in primary school. I slept in the same room with seven other girls and while the separation of genders made sense, I felt self-conscious and a little afraid of being amongst the girls because I was so different. Then one morning our teacher walked in and saw my shoes. She picked them up with an expression of dislike on her face and asked where they’d come from and who they belonged to, likely thinking they were a boy’s shoes. I awkwardly told her they were mine as the seven other girls listened in; the teacher now looked embarrassed.

As a teenager, I started becoming more self-conscious about the kind of clothes I bought. I tried switching to more female looking shoes and only entered the female sections in clothes stores. Sometimes I’d see a boy wear a shirt that I liked, thinking about how it was unfortunately not something I could wear.

Even near the end of my teenage years and my first years as a young adult, I would shop for football clothes and check if there was anyone around to find me shopping in the men’s section. (I mean, there were no football clothes available for women so it’s not like I had a choice, but it still felt wrong.)

Therefore, even if the parents (and arguably the direct surrounding) of a child disregard societies gender stereotypes, the child can’t be protected from societies attitude towards gender roles. As he or she grows up they will become aware of the stigma and the judgement can become internalised.

I once did research on internalised homophobia. [5] I recognised it as it’s something I have experienced, which led to a belated coming out as I felt revulsion for my own feelings. My revulsion can be identified as internalised homophobia, which means that individuals identifying as LGBT can involuntarily believe that the homophobic stigma in society (it’s lies, stereotypes and myths) are true and that there is, therefore, the reason to feel repulsed by same-sex feelings or behaviour, including one’s own desires.

Doesn’t societies stereotype of gender-separated clothes, toys and ideas cause the exact same thing? It causes boys and girls that don’t fit into the norm to dislike themselves.

Moreover, by telling boys that they can achieve anything they want and by telling girls that they should dream, girls are less likely to believe that they can attain the same that boys might. By pushing boys towards tech and engineering (think of robot toys, car toys, etc.), and giving girl’s unicorns and baby dolls, boys are more likely to end up in the tech sector, while girls learn to be a good housewife.

There is nothing wrong with pink and blue clothing, but something is wrong with the idea that blue belong to boys, while pink belongs to girls. While a child may be protected from these stereotypes at home, they will walk into a toy store one day and see and feel all the ‘hidden’ messages created by the separation of gender. The message we’re sending out is that boys and girls are different and if a girl likes things that boys do or vice versa, we’re telling them that they don’t fit into the desired image of society and are, therefore, different in a negative way.

Because society has instilled these values in us, a lot of parents won’t even allow their girl to play with ‘male toys’ or their boy with ‘female toys’, afraid that they might be bullied in school. And god forbid if a boy starts wearing nail polish!

There is no way to quickly change this. It might take 100 years to get rid of societies preconceptions. But I believe that removing the gender sections in toy stores is a good start. Parents that teach their kids they can like whatever they want is incredibly good, but society needs to change as a whole and it’s up to toy manufacturers and clothes companies to start sending out the right message. I applaud France’s toymakers and the Dutch minister of emancipation for supporting this much-needed change and I would encourage everyone to consider the arguments that they raise.

[1] AD: Weg met seksistisch speelgoed 

[2] RTL Nieuws: Genderneutrale speelgoedwinkel? 

[3] The Journal: French toymakers sign pact to rid games and toys of gender stereotypes

[4] Kate Long’s Twitter thread on gender stereotypes

[5] Iain R. Williamson, ‘Internalized homophobia and health issues affecting lesbians and gay men’, Health Education Research, 15.1 (2000),