Is that your girlfriend?

“Is that your girlfriend?” someone asked me after seeing a picture of us. My girlfriend? What are you talking about? Does it look like we even know each other? We’re just simple acquaintances.

I got this question for the first time about two years ago. A few more people have asked me the same question over time. I suppose it’s because I always look happy when I’m with her. I always mention her too and I keep on travelling 8 hours in order to see her. So the formula goes as follows: Lesbian + Happy picture after spending time with a girl = THEY ARE A COUPLE!
I hate to tell you, but she’s not my girlfriend and never has been. I wish- just kidding. Ina just thinks I wished she was. I mean sure…

I don’t dance with everybody in the bathroom while wearing a beauty mask and my pyjamas.
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There is no one else I travelled for ‘across the world’ (hello Korea).

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Neither do I tend to hug everyone, just because it’s cold.

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And okay, yes, to be honest, this does suggest that we are a couple.

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But the truth is, she doesn’t need to be my girlfriend in order for me to do that. She’s just a really, really close friend of mine and I have never felt so comfortable around anyone. You see, I met Ina online the way I’ve met many of my close friends. We got along right from the beginning and although she lived relatively close to me (Germany), we didn’t meet up very quickly. She wanted to, but I was afraid and she was very understanding. In fact, Ina has always been understanding. I wasn’t in the best moment of my life when we met. She offered a listening ear but never pushed. I didn’t immediately open up to her, but she patiently waited for me the way she patiently waited until I was ready to meet her.

I was afraid to meet her because I was afraid I would disappoint her. I didn’t think I was capable of spending time together with a friend for more than a day. I knew I wasn’t fun to be around; there’s only so many things you can talk with me about before I turn quiet. She drove all the way from the south of Germany to my place, a drive of 8 hours and then I literally failed at being a good host. The first hour was incredibly awkward to me. I remember sitting in the bathroom and thinking: “See? I can’t do this. I’m the worst friend ever.” Then somehow things turned around and we got past the awkwardness of the first initial moment of meeting. On the fourth day, I absolutely didn’t want her to leave. Sadly she had to, but that had only been the beginning of many meet-ups to come.
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Autumn 2013                                                                                                                    Christmas 2013

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Summer 2013                                                                                                                    Summer 2014

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January 2015                                                                                                                      Summer 2015

I feel instantly happy when I’m together with Ina. I constantly smile and start to talk out of nowhere. (If you know me, this doesn’t happen often.) She shone a light into my world and became one of my best friends in the world. She couldn’t be my girlfriend because our friendship is too valuable. She pointed at me once and then pointed at herself. “Two hearts in line.” Two hearts in line indeed.

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My poem to her. 

It flickered, the
light bulb with a crack.
I did not grab the hand I
thought you offered
to me.

The hill so steep our soles slip in the
dark, where on top our
voices
lead the way.

Next to you
in the eye- fingers entwined it
flickered, the lightning
outside.

 

Of course, I shamelessly used this post to make you jealous of our friendship. Who doesn’t like to show off? ;p
MORE IMPORTANTLY, you now all know that Ina is not my girlfriend.

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