She told me her mother unexpectedly died last week. Her mother was old, 82, and as everyone at that age had her old-age-complaints, but… her daughter had taken her to have a manicure, just the other day. She had suddenly died. Her daughter, now at my checkout, still with the bewildered expression on her face.
It seems to be so far away from me. My mum is still young- 50, to be precise, and chances are she still has many years to come. I can’t imagine a life without my parents and until anyone loses theirs, I don’t think anyone can? You cannot miss them because in most cases they are a vital part of your life. So many generations pass my counter: babies, toddlers, children, teenagers, young adults, fathers and mothers and grandparents. How can it be that there is a baby so full of life when there is at the same time a person grieving over the loss of someone?
There was once a man who I wished a pleasant day.
“Pleasant?” he snarled back at me, “you think that is why I’m buying this?” I followed the nod of his head back to the can of beers that had just passed my hands. I then looked into his eyes once more as he continued: “My cat died. I did not know I would miss him this much, but it is not a good day.”
As soon as he dropped the news, my throat ran dry. In his words and posture lay a mixture of anger and grief, but most of all, he seemed to be lost. I could not find him in his eyes. He did not really seem to be here and now neither did she, the woman who’s mother died.
She looked so fragile. Her eyes big and outlined in red. They were quietly pleading: Please, help me. Tell me what to do. What do I do?
And I don’t know. I don’t know.
They both started to tell me their story; a story that they would not have told if they did not really have to. But they had to because how else can they keep on standing? And that is all you can do and still, I don’t know. But then I realised, they know that you don’t know. They know that nothing can take away their loss and they won’t expect you to.
Something I meant to write when I was still working in the supermarket.