I never started a blog for the reason many others have. Why would anyone be interested in what I’m writing? I’m only writing about myself (I suppose that is what you do on a personal blog) but on some days I want nothing more than for myself to disappear. I don’t want to stand in anyone’s way so why would I want to push my words into someone else’s face?
Is writing on my blog therapeutic? Is what I’m writing important or entertaining? Is there any way I can justify writing at all?
Is there any point of writing anything at all?
If I want to write and am not harming anyone, why wouldn’t I?
And then on some days… on some days I really just don’t want to write because I can’t stand having to think.
Maybe… more than anything I would like to forget. Maybe more than anything I don’t want these thoughts to be mine because they are a burden. Maybe… instead of being aware I would like to be blissfully ignorant.
There are movies and series and songs and books.
I can hide in them… and connect with them… find me without having to consciously think things through.
But I need more. I need to find and acknowledge myself; tell the world what I have to say even if no one cares. If I don’t, no one even has the choice to listen.
And there is something else… past the worry… past the agony and the hurt… I find my own world; my own creation. A place where I can’t hide but be exactly who I am without having to think about it. I can only find that world when I’m writing.