Dissociated ego states

Two weeks ago I felt like what I would usually describe as ‘anxious’ during football training. This week I started reading The Myth of Sanity by Martha Stout, a study in human consciousness that focusses on forgotten trauma, dissociated mental states and multiple personalities in daily life. As I got halfway through the book I started recognising a possible certain altered mental There’s more for you to read!

Too functional to suffer

As a child, I went to the paediatrician for my lungs. I only have exercised induced asthma so it’s not that serious, but at the time it was bothering me when I cycled to school. They did a few tests and could only provide me with an inhaler. However, the paediatrician also wanted me to do a fitness test. Apparently, she There’s more for you to read!

Writing and Mental Health

On the 16th of March, Gwyneth Lewis (a Welsh poet) gave a talk on Writing on Mental Health at my university. I was interested because I’m a writer and I have struggled with depression myself. I wanted to know more about the relation between writing and mental health and one of the first points that Gwyneth gave immediately spoke to There’s more for you to read!

It’s real

 ‘Are you okay?’ I’m not here. I’m not here.             ‘She’s asleep.’ ‘Malou?’ I can’t hear you.        I can’t hear you right now. From the other side of the counter, she gives me a smile. As I stand there in the middle of the room she picks up her cup and walks There’s more for you to read!

My struggle at University

When I came to university I was afraid that I would not be able to live up to the standards of academic work. Like most, I was also afraid that I might not make any friends and at the same time, I had the slight fear of having chosen a course that I wouldn’t like after all. Then once I There’s more for you to read!

A writer committed suicide

Joost Zwagerman, a Dutch Writer committed suicide on the day his new book got published. I didn’t know him, but the news appeared everywhere. Another known person took his own life- a writer took his own life. The news articles told me he had been struggling with manic-depression and had a father and a best friend that tried to take There’s more for you to read!

Depression is a cloud

It sort of paralyses me; it stops me from doing normal daily things, it disables my ability to smile and I feel like I can’t function. Depression does not define me, someone once said. It is a cloud… a layer of smog that settles over your mind- something that clouds the view of what the world is. Depression does not change There’s more for you to read!

Turning black

I’m breathing… still breathing. It’s the only sound I’m hearing right now. A hushed breath, god I hope no one can hear it. I can’t stop the breathing because if I would, I’d fall down right here right now. My body is crouching. I really don’t know how my legs can keep me standing. I look tired, someone said. Do There’s more for you to read!

We get no vacation

I was walking home, a 6 minute walk from the bus stop, past the big pond in a neatly kept neighbourhood. My glance trailed down as I turned and the sun shone on my back. All around you could hear the quiet of nature; birds somewhere hidden in trees, water gushing ceaseless, a little breeze; and, of course, the children… laughing, playing; There’s more for you to read!