It’s real

 ‘Are you okay?’

I’m not here.

I’m not here.

            ‘She’s asleep.’


I can’t hear you.

       I can’t hear you right now.

From the other side of the counter, she gives me a smile. As I stand there in the middle of the room she picks up her cup and walks around me. My glance follows her moving figure while I’m trying to control my breathing.



‘Malou, we have to get off the bus.’

          I’m not here.

I’m not.

Her hand softly touches my shoulder. ‘Malou.’

In the room, there are two couches. The person who has been asked to stay sits down in one of the two. I walk around in a circle, then sit down myself in the far end of the other couch.
‘As far away from me as possible?’ She asks.
It didn’t seem strange until she pointed it out to me.

I can’t move.

‘I can’t,’ I say.     ……………..     ‘I can’t.’

 I can’t be here.

I’m not.

I’m not. 


I nod. We have to get off the bus.

‘What happened?’
‘It just happened. On the bus. It’s fine.’
She comes closer to give me a hug and I automatically take a step back. She seems offended.

                              I’m sorry.

             I’m so sorry.

She pulls me closer. She pulls me closer in a hug and I let go.


This happened after an away match with the university football team. It happened because I drank alcohol, which was encouraged.
Read my post on whether to drink alcohol or not here.

Posts in preparation for University:

Packing for University
The struggle of proving my identity!
Study in the UK | Find your university!

What I wish I’d known before starting University (Series by Imogen)

Posts about what University was like in my first year:

Acitivies week and exploring
Nadolig Llawen! Merry Christmas!
My struggle at University
What freshers week was like
Living in university accommodation
Summer Ball 2016
Goodbyes are not forever goodbye’s

Posts about what University was like in my second year:

Drinking Alcohol or not?
Is it racist to dress up as a dementor?
To belong or not; Anxiety
Writing and Mental health
I’m not as good at that person | Pressure at university
15 British Peculiarities

Posts about what University was like in my third year:

In between places
Everything changes | End of University
Why I would choose Aberystwyth again
I’m graduating from University!
The benefits of attending graduation

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